So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize