I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
