dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
