I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
