At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
