could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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