it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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