So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
