Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
