i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize