I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
