Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
