No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
