I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
