i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
