Screwed.edu
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
