I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
