some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
