I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
