honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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