So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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