Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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