if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
