So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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