my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Panties = found
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
