Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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