This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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You can make out without kissing
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