party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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