I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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