I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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