well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
