wat bout pragnant strippers??
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
