I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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