...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
