I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
