her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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