I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
