Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
