if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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