I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
