Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
