I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
