Don't make out with my wife yet
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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