i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
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