Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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