just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think people are normalizing furries
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
