If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
