The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
