I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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