I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
