i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
