My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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