i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
