I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
