Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We are two peas in an std pod
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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