so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize