: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize