I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
