the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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