You smell like a Billy Joel song
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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