in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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