Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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