Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
