dude i'm inner monologue high
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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