i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
