hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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