I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
