she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
