Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
