You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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