haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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