Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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