Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
