Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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