my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
