So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
