i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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