brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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