you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
