pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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