I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize