okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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